Petrichor

Danny woke up with a nagging feeling that he wasn’t seeing the whole picture. He understands that there is a lot he still doesn’t understand about his new reality, but that isn’t it. It feels… personal, like he’s not seeing a part of himself or something. It’s annoying as shit. The moss has been relatively quiet these last few days, it still colors and shimmers, but the songs it used to play for him have muted, maybe that’s it. It feels… distant, almost like its mad, but at what, or who, him?! What did he do? He keeps meaning to ask his sister but shes been so happy these last couple of days that he’s almost scared to make her remember his… situation.

As he’s finishing up getting ready Rain pops their head in his door, “Hey unc, ready to go?” He forgot that he had told them he would go to the park with them today.

“I can barley contain my joy.” he said in a way that confused even him if he was serious or not.

“You aren’t getting cold feet are you?” they ask

“Not even a little, I am hungry though” he said

“We can eat here or we can grab snacks on the way, theres also various fruits that have been planted along the trail at the park. Im pretty sure strawberry is in season right now, and oranges.”

This is one of those things that really gets under his skin, there are no grocery stores, no convenience stores, no gas stations, everyone eats mostly based on whatever is “in season” not, you know, whatever they want, whenever they want it. I mean, they can, which is what makes it weirder, they all (minus a few holdouts, he’s told, though non of them exist in his immediate family) choose this way. Everything here he’s told is a choice, but he doesn’t remember making any.

As they start their walk, Danny began talking about all the things he missed when Rain cut in and said “All that stuff sounds cool I guess, but it all sounds… I don’t know, self centered. Like what did you do with community, how did you help each other grow… as people I mean?”

Danny sputtered “I, uh, uh, I, uh…” then he collected himself and started over, “We helped each other, by making sure the best people did the best shit, and if you couldn’t keep up it was because you were super lazy and stuff…”

Rain looked at him then with a look that combined pity/shame/regret/pain/sorrow, “Oh uncle, I mean we’ve all read the stories, and Mima tries to explain it, but to hear it from your mouth is… shit, I’m so sorry.”

It was Danny’s turn to look at them incredulous “Sorry for what? Why is everyone always apologizing to me, for MY life?”

“It’s not like that uncle, it’s just… its hard to hear about what was done to you, and everyone from that time, in the ways you describe them.”

“Nothing was DONE to us, we had freedom, we got to choose every day to be free. Some people just weren’t cut out for it is all.”

They looked at him then with all of the compassion they could muster “Do you really believe that they deserved to live in constant torture because they couldn’t handle your brand of “freedom”?” they said this last bit so softly Danny actually started to cry.

“Why do you keep saying that like it was my fault that other people couldn’t hack it? I volunteered at the soup kitchen, I delivered food to the food bank, I had it hard too you know, people act like going to private school was a cakewalk, or- or some prize, but it was hard.” as he continued to talk the sadder their face became and the sadder it became the more he was desperate to talk. “No one handed us anything, my dad started his construction company from the ground up with a loan from Granddad.”

“Did he pay it back?” they asked as kind as they could, which broke Danny’s heart even more.

“I, I uhhhh, I don’t know, I don’t think so though. Why does that matter?”

“It doesn’t, not right now.” Rain again almost whispered and he realized that they had their hand on his shoulder for about the last minute or so. “Well we’re here now, where do you wanna sit?” they said shifting gears so hard Danny actually stumbled a bit, before regaining his composure and looking around for, what he realized was the first time since the walk began.

It was stunning, It was at least 100 acre of rolling hills and grass flats surrounded by trees that all looked to be fruit trees just like Rain said. There were children everywhere coming in and out of the trees, playing catch, flying drones, doing kites, reading… so many readers. He’d never seen this wide scale collection of books in one place in his life (outside of the library, which he went to… once). “Sure are a lot of books for a society that claims to ‘protect the planet’ or whatever,” he said subconciously.

“Funny, unc, but those are mostly made from hemp nowadays and other recyclable materials. Different collectives have different tools. So its really up to them, but, no, we don’t just cut down trees for paper anymore.”

“No wonder Corinne loves it here, this is like her Nirvana, or something.” he mumbled

As they started to settle in, the rain began.

“What’s that smell” Danny asked

“Oh, thats Petrichor, the smell of rain hitting the dry ground for the first time in a while, you’ve never smelled that?”

“Of course I…” he began but didn’t have the heart to finish it out and just said. “No”

“It’s why we’re here, its why most of the people are here, we plan around moments like these socially, to remember the beauty and joy that nature brings. I really wanted you to be a part if it.” They said with so much joy in their voice that Danny felt a tear well up in his right eye. Then he looked around again and saw all of the people talking to each other, laughing, dancing, being present in this moment, and something broke (or maybe healed) in him, something he couldn’t explain and he cried harder than he ever had in his entire life.

The rain didn’t last long, but the celebration did. They sat there for close to four hours enjoying the people, and being present in each moment. When it was time to go, they took their time getting home. Walking and laughing, sharing moments from the experience they just shared together. No talk of anything but the right now. Danny felt… complete. He couldn’t imagine being any happier, and that made him sad. He tried to shake off that feeling but found it beginning to seep into every thought now. Why was he always like this, why couldn’t he just enjoy a moment without getting in his own head about all the things that weren’t this moment? He hated himself right then, and wished for the simple joy he’d had just moments before.

When they returned to the house they found it empty, which was weird for this time of the day. Rain checked their watch and looked at Danny and slapped their forehead with their palm before saying: “council meetings are tonight.”

“Council meetings?” Danny asked

“Yeah, every two weeks the entire collective gets together to discuss the goings on, and vote on anything that needs our attention.” Rain said

“Everyone goes?” Danny asked incredulously.

“Basically yeah, most people really like it, its like a giant party, with food and drinks, and sometimes… when its done we stay after and dance.” they snickered at this in a manner that suggested they might be joking, but also not.

“I mean we had town hall’s and city meeting’s all the time.” Danny said starting to get defensive about… he couldn’t tell you.

“Oh, what kinds of things did you personally vote on, and how often?” They asked in their ‘kind’ tone.

“I’m seventeen, I never got to vote on shit!” Danny can hear the rise in his tone but feels a lack of control that scares him more than a little bit.

“Actually…” they began with a smirk, but he cut them off

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!” he yelled in a way that he immediately felt embarrassed by, but at this point his body and mouth were running without his permission. Rain took a step back as if they’d been struck and looked at him in a way they never had before. It actually made him angrier than he’d ever been in his life. He felt out of control, the way he used to when his mom would tell him no and that confused him (which became anger) even more. Then the cherry blossom exploded into his vision and he walked to his room and crashed onto his bed.

He knows immediately where he is, back in the janitors closet, frustrated, scared, and… wait, is that Corinne’s voice? Danny thought she said she wasn’t here that night. He focuses on the voices this time to see what he can hear. Not much it turns out, just the vague impressions of his fathers and her voice, what about mom? He knows as sure as anything that this is real, but is it right? It can’t be, why would his sister lie about being there? No. there has to be another explanation, none of this makes any sense. But he knows it does, has always known on subatomic level there was more to the story. He strains his hearing to its limit’s, then the gun shot.

He woke up dizzy, sweaty, and drenched. Still in his clothes and no where near his pillows. His legs were hanging off the corner he had crumpled onto and, as he was thinking, all of this his body spun and slid down the side of the bed so he was siting on the floor, but his legs were still tangled up as they didn’t get the memo on what the rest of the body was doing. He knew about the attack and the bombs, but that felt close, so close he could smell it, even in memory (or whatever the fuck those were), and did it go through the door, he swears he remembers a hole where darkness was just before the shot. None of this makes any sense, why now? Why him? Why any of this bullshit?!?

Thats when the pugs attack. As if summoned by his proximity to the floor, Gopher and Snorts burst around the corner skidding along the floorboards as they attempt to find purchase for their paws on the hardwood. Connection made. They b-line it for his face and before he has a chance to mount a defense of his face they have smothered him with so many licks he’s convinced he will never be truly rid of pug slobber for as long as he lives, and he finds hes actually cool with that. This moment is such a whiplash for his emotions that he finds himself crying at the pure joy.