It is what it is… till it isn't

“We would like a word, please.” Mother said

“I also have some things to say” Corinne shot back

“Please allow us to say what we need say, to as we still don’t quite know how long we have... before connection failure”

“All right” she said as if she had an actual say in the matter

“We know what you and your child are up to, it is perfectly fine to be suspicious and to make sure we are what we say we are, but do you need to be so… rough... with the pieces you take?”

This actually made her flinch as if a punch was thrown, “Rough?” she asked, but she knew exactly what they were talking about.

“Come now, Corinne, do not waste precious time acting as if you are not aware of your own behavior” They scolded her like a child and it hurt. They Continued. “This will be the last we speak for a while, we want all parties involved to feel safe, and comfortable. We had thought that since you knew us so well that all of this would not be necessary, but, alas… humans; always afraid of your own shadows until you can put a name to them. We will know when you have accepted the reality of the situation and return only then. In the meantime, know that Danny is in good spirits and has no idea of your secret. We believe that is yours to tell, but you better hurry, as these things have a way of coming out on their own.”

Then as fast as the convo began, it was over, and Danny was collapsed on his bed. She stood there motionless for what felt like an eternity. Replaying what she just heard in her mind to herself to make sure she remembered every word. She then began chastising herself for not getting the recordbug out in time. Feeling foolish for not having trusted the moss, then feeling stupid for thinking she should have blind faith, then returning that mental volley with the fact that the moss has been the thing keeping Danny alive and safe for all this time (along with Colt and herself of course), then hitting a ferocious mental cross court backhand by saying to herself, ‘let the science tell me the answer.’

So, off she went… to the moss-cave (sorry). As she was on her way she was stopped by Cheyenne “Hey mima, how are things with the patient?” she asked in that way that they all do.

“He’s good, getting some rest right now, I’m heading to the office to do some research now.”

“About that,” Cheyenne began with some urgency. “I happened to hear some of the convo and Colt let me see the video of ‘Mother’ and may I just say something?”

“You know you can always talk to me Cheyenne” she said but couldn’t help but let a little annoyance enter her voice.

“I know mima, but I also know how you can be about unsolicited advice.” she said making sure she didn’t break eye contact.

“Fair enough” Corinne sighed and let her shoulders unclench, for the first time today she realized only after it had happened.

“Mother’ has a point, you know that right, about trust, and you. You would rather shoot yourself in the foot than to give someone, or in this case something, trust without a thorough evaluation. No matter what position that puts you in. I guess what I’m saying sometimes a thing is what it is, you know?” Cheyenne ended.

“Until it isn’t” Corinne shot back and patted Cheyenne on the arm to let her know that the conversation was over, as she started her march back to the moss cave.

When she got there, the first thing she did was take down the piece she had up and turned it over and over in her hands, thinking about, not science, but what Cheyenne said to her. She has always known her ability to connect with people was limited, she was always cool with that, she had her small circle of people and that was it. Before Colt and after the Incident, it had just been her, Danny, and the moss. She felt good and safe and everything made sense then, don’t misunderstand, she loves this life she has built for herself, but sometimes she longs for a time when the only things in her life didn’t talk back to her.

She realizes how that sounds and is embarrassed momentarily because ‘Mother’ was right about her. She should have been on board from jump, the moss in a lot of ways has been the longest steady relationship in her life. She chuckles softly at that thought, but it brings her peace. She knows now what she has to do. She is awash with relief and hope when she sneaks into Danny’s room to return the piece she had taken for study, Danny was still out and the moss simmered in that way she had come to recognize was a positive acknowledgement. As she was leaving she ran into Colt.

“Just the person I wanted to see” Corinne said cupping his shoulder and using it to guide him into the same direction she was headed. “We got a lot to talk about.”

“Cool” was all Colt could get out, but he always secretly loved these moments when his mom had some type of scientific revelation because it was the only time he really ever felt close to her.

“Sit” she says as they reach the back patio, which he does obligingly. She sits next to him in a pair of chairs facing the house which is in that formation where the back wall is open so it feels like an extended living room more than a back porch.

“So I had a nice chat with Cheyenne a little while ago and she helped remind me of something, something that you had also tried to get me to see, I now realize, and I wanted to thank you and her of course, I let my past get me worked up in ways that can be extremely detrimental to, not only me, but the people around me, my issues with trust will never fully heal if I don’t give them the opportunity to do so, and constantly being ready to see the worst in the world has kept me from experiencing so much of it. I don’t want that, so I’ve decided to give up looking into the moss, and accept ‘Mother’ at face value.”

Colt sat there shook, not so much by what she was saying, but the earnestness in her voice and the look in her eyes that he could swear looked… wistful. As he began to open his mouth to respond, the front door slammed open and in rushes the entire crew, including, he just noticed, snorts and gopher. They all come to where they are sitting and sprawl out around the chairs in the grass, Gopher making a B-line for his lap and snorts to moms. He saw his mom “brace for impact” and received the snorts patented lick welcome, before she settled down into the crack between moms leg and the chair.

Corinne put her hand on the pug and started to pet her right behind the ear in a way that was more massage than pet. As she scanned the backyard/living room area full of all the people she loved most in this world (except Danny wan’t there, of course), she realized that this may be the first time in her entire life that she has truly felt “present” in the moment, and she became so overwhelmed she started to cry. Not a gushing overwhelming type of cry, but a gentle all of her excess emotion leaking out of her eyes, kind of way. In that moment she makes a private promise to herself that she will do everything she can to exist in the “present” as much as possible.

She wakes the next day with a renewed sense of life, ready to drink in whatever the present has for her to exist in. As she leaves her room, she walks by Danny’s room and see’s that he’s not in there, so she picks up the pace and scoots to the living room, no one is there either… not even the pugs. So she rolls into the kitchen to see about a cup of coffee. It appears fresh, so whatever happened, happened both fast and recently. She pours herself a cup and goes to the back porch where she finds Eyaha curled up by the moss-cave, and she decides that today she will not go in there. She is determined to stay true to her vow of being present, so she heads over to the chair she sat in last night and takes here familiar position in it. Eyaha rolls up to her and she puts down her mug and begins to massage her ears in much the same manner she did snorts the night before. Eyaha responds with a little bit of “ghost scratching” to mimic the moves Corinne is making behind her ears.

What happens next feels like a whirlwind exploding all around her, as very reminiscent of last night her family pours through the front door… pugs in toe, laughing and in a collective state of bliss. Eyaha sees this and her tail starts pounding the side of her chair. Out of the woods that back up to the house Nocossa comes rumbling out, and Corinne locks eyes with Danny, who looks sweaty and happy. They nod to each other in a way that felt as if they came to some kind of understanding though not a word passed between them. As they all settled in around Corinne, Danny took the chair next to her.

“Hey sis” he began “we missed you this morning, the fam took me for a walk down to the communal breakfast hall… wow.”

Corinne immediately checked the moss on his shoulder and it was lavender almost to the point of completely disappearing into his shirt. “Oh they did, did they…?” she said in a voice that was her best ‘who’s the doctor around here voice’.

“Today is buffet day, and like 3/4ths of the town shows for buffet day.” Rain said helpfully

“Not better” Corinne said under her breath

“It was… cool.” Danny said “I kept to myself and just kind of took it all in, Rain brought me B&G’s and the kids just filled me in on the community gossip.” he finished.

“Anything I’d be interested in?” she asked, from just above the lip of her mug before she took a sip.

“Well, some douche named Micheal is dating like half of the girls in Rain’s grade, Molly and Maredeth both are committed to not dating cause, and I quote, ‘EWWWWW’ and Landis is… well honestly, he was pretty cagey about almost every question I posed to him.”

In response Landis looked at the ground so hard that Corinne thought he was going to start burrowing into it at any moment.

“You got all of that out of them at Breakfast?” Corinne mocked surprise & guilt in equal measure. “Most I can usually get out of them is a series of grunts, a couple of moans, and if I’m lucky a ‘love you Mima’ when it’s all over.” “Well” Danny began “maybe you just don’t know the secret, which is fall into a coma for 60 years.”

“Well, in that case, I think I’ll settle for grunts.” To which they all laughed.

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Later that day, when they had all dispersed to their various “things” just her and Danny remained. He seemed in good spirits and the moss hasn’t cycled into anything that approximated danger of shutdown. She stared at him in that way she used to while he was in the coma, and when he registered it he looked around like ‘who me’ until she spoke.

“Sorry, its just I have been hunting for this moment for so long that I don’t want to miss any of it later” she said to him

“I get it, as much as I can.” he said softly

“You used to do this thing where you would hiccup in your sleep, and every time I thought ‘this is it’ this is the moment, but it never was.”she said staring past him. “Now I’ve got you back and I almost missed it all because I can’t get out of my own head, or except that good things might be possible for me… or you.”

“I don’t know, me and the moss being in the same place at the same time seems pretty fucking lucky to me” he said, while lifting a glass to his lips and taking a sip.

“You have no idea how many times I have rolled that over in my head these past 60 years.” she started “It’s literally been my life’s work to figure it out, but I’ve come to realize that some things don’t need answers, or put another way we have all the ‘answer’ we’re gonna get and that’s ok. What’s important is being IN these moments really IN them, cherishing the now, with trust it will bring us to a future worthy of our presence.”

She continued to stare at Danny as he looked thoughtfully up at the stars in the night sky. “That’s… horrifyingly philosophical. Wow, sis, I didn’t know you had that in you.” he said with that half smile of his

“I don’t think I ever did, not until very recently, anyways.”